Monday, March 23, 2009
From Another Blogger
So Quest has kindly invited me to write on the blog again. Or should I say, Quest has always welcomed me to blog, I have just never got around to it (i.e. lazy)
My one year quest ended yesterday, 21st of March 2009, the exact one-year anniversary (if I may put it that way) of me knowing the potential.
I thought we had a lot in common, I thought he had everything that I was looking for, I thought I can also bring in a lot to the relationship, we met up, spoke, his mother spoke to me, my mother spoke to him, all seemed fine, (this went on about for 1 year) and suddenly, he said, 'let's just be friends'.
Niceness is cruelty itself. Yet, perhaps it is better being nice than harsh. It hurts, it feels I can never meet another person like that, it feels painful, my heart hurts. But I know that life must move on, life will move on, inshaAllah.
Perhaps the following lyrics will describe my emotions better:
"Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends.
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read the last line
In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter
Am I wrong to be hurt
Am I wrong to feel pain
Am I wrong to be in the rain
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end
Am I wrong to cry
But I know, It's not wrong to sing The Last Song
Cause forever fades
I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter"
I look forward to being in the next chapter, whatever the content may be, whatever the story may be, whenever the page turns....
One comfort I have is that the verbal noun of 'being broken' ِانكِسَارٌ in Arabic (Form VII), being the reflexive from of the Form I verb كَ سَ رَ (broke), is a quality that Allah loves, because it is in this state that one feels his/her true reliance on Allah, that He makes us realize that HE is in charge, not us. When one is in this state, inshaAllah the One will give................
Lastly, as the man who I also admire a lot, Tariq Ramadan, had once said, to be a Muslim does not translate (from a language point of view) to 'the one who submits', but 'the one who is at peace with God, the one who enters into God's peace'.
I need to find this peace, I need to be peaceful, I need to be a Muslim.