From Yin-Yang

Bismillahirrahmanirraheem


Have been quite busy at work (since when am I not busy? Quest can attest to that). But I figure it is much better being busy, than free, especially what I am going through. So alhamdullilah wasshukr to Allah. Come to think of it, I shouldn't complain, goodness. Think about what other people in the world are going through...

In the meantime, I have also decided to practice my French after putting it down for 3 years. Really, the one thing that keeps me going in my French is Tariq Ramadan (because he publishes in French a lot).

InshaAllah, I’d like to share with you a translation of one of his talks I attended on families (this was in French). I was taking notes, and I found them to be half in English and half in French, so I hope the below will actually make sense. The italics are my comments and random ramblings.

Family - From the Ideal to Reality, the Steps, the Challenges, the Struggle

It is important to realize that having a family is not only to follow the teachings of the Qur'an, of the Prophet (Peace be upon him), but it is also a daily challenge, a voyage.

We often speak of following the Prophet (Peace be upon him), but the true following of the Prophet is not only in theory, but in spirit.

Allah said in the Qur'an (3:31):
قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَاللّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
"Say [O Prophet]: "If you love God, follow me, [and] God will love you and forgive you your sins; for God is much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace."

Following the Prophet in the truest sense is to approach Allah.

We have the best example in the Prophet (SAW). Everyone knows this, but the best example in what? People always speak of following the sunnah in such ritualistic way, but they forget the essence in following the sunnah is in their manners, in their interaction with others. Being decent to one another is not sinful, you know. Why can't we learn to smile, why can't we learn to be decent, why can't we learn just to be, well, human? In love and in spirit.
Therefore, in forming a family, we should always remember not only in the way of applying the rules, but more importantly, in applying one's heart to the rules.
We have to model ourselves after the Prophet in educating our hearts how to better love and to better understand the other.



Not only do we need to translate the principles in our lives, we need to bring our hearts to our lives. Not only do we need to bring our hearts to our lives, we need to bring in our knowledge to our lives. All this is to reach our goal of approach the Unique.

And therefore, when the Prophet tells us that we should love him more than anything, more than our parents and even ourselves, it is not that he is arrogant (astaghfirullah) and that he thinks he is the most important person in the world (though he definitely is), but it's because he wants the good for us. He knows that it is by loving and following him as an example in heart, spirit, and actions, that we can approach Him. Everything that the Prophet did and advised us to do was only for our own good.

Forming a family, living with another man or woman in marriage, to be a father/ mother is a struggle, a daily struggle.

With all this, there is one reality that one should never forget: As an individual, one is responsible of oneself, one's heart, and one's intelligence.

That said, the quality of Oneness belongs only to Allah. Allah had mentioned in His book that all things are created in pairs. Humans, like nature, like animals, are destined in our solitude to live with another, to find the other half of faith.

One is alone in needs, but this is not exclusive. Marriage is not an obligation in Islam. There are many scholars, great people who choose not to marry. However, it is a recommended act, because it gives peace to one's heart.

A true couple strives for peace together, strives to blossom together, and strives for the well-being of both.

Allah is the path in the heart, but a spouse is the support to one in remaining faithful on this path. God as the path, and your spouse as the partner in the journey.


-Yin-Yang

From Another Blogger

So Quest has kindly invited me to write on the blog again. Or should I say, Quest has always welcomed me to blog, I have just never got around to it (i.e. lazy)

My one year quest ended yesterday, 21st of March 2009, the exact one-year anniversary (if I may put it that way) of me knowing the potential.

I thought we had a lot in common, I thought he had everything that I was looking for, I thought I can also bring in a lot to the relationship, we met up, spoke, his mother spoke to me, my mother spoke to him, all seemed fine, (this went on about for 1 year) and suddenly, he said, 'let's just be friends'.

Niceness is cruelty itself. Yet, perhaps it is better being nice than harsh. It hurts, it feels I can never meet another person like that, it feels painful, my heart hurts. But I know that life must move on, life will move on, inshaAllah.

Perhaps the following lyrics will describe my emotions better:



"Watching the stars till they're gone
Like an actor all alone
Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends.
Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I'll read the last line

In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter

Am I wrong to be hurt
Am I wrong to feel pain
Am I wrong to be in the rain
Am I wrong to wish the night won't end
Am I wrong to cry
But I know, It's not wrong to sing The Last Song
Cause forever fades

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter"

I look forward to being in the next chapter, whatever the content may be, whatever the story may be, whenever the page turns....

One comfort I have is that the verbal noun of 'being broken' ِانكِسَارٌ in Arabic (Form VII), being the reflexive from of the Form I verb كَ سَ رَ (broke), is a quality that Allah loves, because it is in this state that one feels his/her true reliance on Allah, that He makes us realize that HE is in charge, not us. When one is in this state, inshaAllah the One will give................

Lastly, as the man who I also admire a lot, Tariq Ramadan, had once said, to be a Muslim does not translate (from a language point of view) to 'the one who submits', but 'the one who is at peace with God, the one who enters into God's peace'.

I need to find this peace, I need to be peaceful, I need to be a Muslim.
- Yin-Yang

A Man I Admire

The best thing happened to me yesterday. I'm sitting in an auditorium listening to the Muslim, French-Swiss scholar Tariq Ramadan speak about how the U.S treats Muslim-majority states.

I'm focused. Eyes wide open. As if forgetting to blink. The hour passes and he's finished. Applause. The moderator announces: "and now I'm sure you all have burning questions so we're opening the floor for a Q&A".

My hand shoots up before he finishes his sentence. I begin: "Professor Ramadan, assalamu alaikum. Thank you for an amazing talk and I'll start with a less political but more of a cultural question. You seem to model your speech so that the United states is in one basket, and muslim states in another. And then you mention that the U.S needs our discourse, needs new discourses by Muslims here. How about the muslim ummah in the west? There are many muslims there who shape their lives and careers to address only 'westerners' and to make da'wa through constructive ways. What do you make of these people?"

He answers. Of course saying that no matter what, "we", as in Muslims in the west, will always be considered as "outsiders" no matter what we do. I take his point and I accept it.

But as he finishes I have more. I want to ask another question so I do. In the middle of the sentence, the moderator cuts me off. I was startled because I was really focused on what I was saying. Then, I shyly, and sheepishly -- shut my yap up.

To my utter surprise and total amazement, Tariq Ramadan -- who caught the question I was trying to pose -- looks at me, completely ignores the moderator who shut me up, and proceeds to answer my question.

Not in a word. Not in a line. In lines and lines and lines! He explains ideas on reformation in Islam, on how we need to combine the text with the world, on how scholars of fiqh should realize that they need to join hands with scholars of the world, on 'moderate muslims' and how that's problematic. On and on and on and on. SubhanAllah! I was like Allah, I love you. And if I'm to die now, I'd die happy.

Tariq Ramadan is by far an inspiration beyond bounds. May Allah (swt) keep him for our ummah. Ameen.

Censorship in Lebanon

Assalamu Alaikum:

Something's been bugging me lately, and I wanted to get your opinion on it. The topic is a bit less pretty than the question of marriage, but nonetheless, I'm really wanting some opinion.

I wrote about it in my other blog:

http://canada2beirut.blogspot.com/

Let's hear what you think! And the picture you see is of Anne Frank.

You'll see the point when you read the other blog.

I Want to Dance with You

Assalamu Alaikum!

Howz it going folks, howz the other end of the world doing? As requested, here's a reminder of my Beirut Blog address:

www.canada2beirut.blogspot.com

And now, let the Quest continue! ;)
________________


A few days ago I attended a family wedding near Jounieh outside Beirut. Yes, I’m sitting at our table, holding my little camcorder filming all the luxury around me – food, band, mc, dancers, art show, candles in bohemian crystals, ten layered cake, silk dresses, diamond rings, silk flowers and all the rest of it. The “too much-ness” of it all must have put a bizarre look on my face, in any case a man somehow approaches me and says: “ I want to dance with you”.

As if his words triggered something in me, I found myself pausing then retreating into my memories-- not all of them, just the ones about suitors and weddings.

One of the things we discuss with a suitor especially as we approach the nikkah is the question of the wedding and how we want it to happen.

Let me admit: Even though I’ve attended weddings most of my life, and had sort of pointless talks with suitors about the wedding, simply because I didn’t know what I wanted, only now I know what I want in mine – or “don’t want”. O boy. Be better than this. Don’t wait this long.

Sisters, I’m afraid this is addressed mostly to you. To brothers as well, but she is the princess of the night and he’ll try to make her happy. So, again, ladies, know what you want. The earlier the better.

Here are a few tips that come to mind:


Mixed or Separate

For those who know that the question of mixed or separate wedding is not an issue, and that they’ll have a separate-gender one all the way (or vice versa) then go thank Allah (swt) because you’ve been spared a huge headache.

For the rest, ask yourself: Do you imagine that in your wedding you’ll have to find a happy medium between having it mixed or separate? Do you imagine that your parents or his will request a mixed one, while you both want a separate one? Find out if you fit this category. That’s a huge step.

Mixing it Up

Do you imagine that you’ll “halalify” your mixed wedding? If yes, grab a piece of paper and pen, and write down your definition or description of what makes a mixed wedding acceptable for your (and his) Islamic values.

When you’re done, put that paper away in your drawer, then go downstairs and in a conversation over cookies and some warm tea, ask your family how they imagine your wedding to be like. Take notes in your head, and see if that halalified wedding can in reality be contained within the boundaries you’ve given it. In other words, can you manage to keep it halal and satisfy your family’s expectations at the same time?

External Family Obligations

Define “family”. Write down every name. Yes, each and every name of the family member who you want to attend your wedding/walimah. Now, on a piece of paper, divide the page in two columns – name one “differences” and the other “similarities”. Write down what you imagine are the similarities in Islamic values shared by the list of family members. Then, write down the differences. When you’re done, ask yourself how these similarities and differences may complicate things when all the family gets together to “help” prepare your wedding.

Cha-Ching!

Was it Bob Marley who said: “ No woman no cry”. Maybe he said that after his wedding. Single ladies, the big question – how much poorer will the groom get after the wedding? And his daddy, and uncles and your daddy and uncles and the rest of the income-making souls in both families.

If your family and/or his can afford it, good news. You’ll get the big night with shine and glory and everyone goes home happy. But if you’re less fortunate and it’s the groom who’ll single handedly pay for the big day, now is a good time my sister to get rid of the fairy tale wedding you’ve imagined for yourself.

Not because it’s wrong to think of a fairy tale wedding or to have one. You are the best. You deserve the best my sister. But think with me: define a ‘perfect wedding’. Is it crystals, gold, lights, luxury, limos and jaguars parked outside?

Are “things” the tools for your happiness that night, or is it your heart and what makes it happy? Remember all the weddings you’ve attended, and write down the things that made your heart dance in joy when you saw them at the wedding.

A sincere Dua given, a tear from a mother, a speech delivered by a best friend, a Qur’an recitation segment, an azan heard before you walk in with him—the best thing I’ve seen was at a sisters-only wedding ceremony and an extremely shy girl who never never never never never never dances at any sisters wedding, not even at that of her own biological sister, got up and said, “you all know I don’t dance, but I’m going to try tonight just for you Ayesha”. There were some serious tears of joy in Ayesha’s eyes for sure. In mine too  And I know Ayesha will never forget that special moment in her wedding.

Therefore, write your descriptions down and see for yourself what makes for a “perfect wedding”. Don’t hold back anything and don’t be afraid of being wrong. It’s better to be wrong on paper than in real life when the big day comes.

Step Up

Last but not least, you can have the best plan for your wedding day, and know exactly what you want together in agreement with your groom, but if you don’t have what it takes to make it happen – it’s all useless.

In other words, you’ll probably make a few people in your family not so happy when you announce your own wedding plans that may be different from what they want for you. It’s a very sensitive line to walk and I’ve seen many unhappy brides who had to give in to what their families wanted. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not asking you to rebel and revolt and hurt your family. In the end, they care.

But the point is you might have to be prepared for some tough negotiations, a few tears and some heated discussions. Don’t be afraid of this. And remember that Allah (swt) will ease the difficult. You might be surprised how their hearts change quickly as if magically, all with the blessing of Allah (swt).

Alright folks. That’s all she wrote, don’t forget your istikharah of course, and I’ll write you more as I attend more weddings!

And of course I said a big whopper “NO” to the guy who asked to dance with me. But I’m happy he asked. All these reflections wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t :)

Beauty is ...

Many people say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I never really thought of this line until I came to Beirut. From the moment I stepped foot in the airport until this very day of my life here - I had a feeling that I'm prettier.

All narcissism aside, and all modesty in focus, many people here seem to think i'm beautiful. Women have said this to me in my face, ranging from faculty to friends to acquaintances to the woman down the street. And men, well, let's say they have their ways of expressing admiration. And that's more than bizarre for me. Let me tell you why.

I come from a family of five, three boys and two girls. My sister is two years older than me. Throughout our life, my sister has always been the pretty one - and I've been the ordinary, 'nothing special just a girl' one. She has beautiful dark green eyes, mine are brown. She has a gorgeous little chiselled nose, I have a ... nose.

Or so people have categorized us throughout our lives until our adulthood. Therefore, I've always believed and internalized the fact that i'm okay looking, and my sister is the gorgeous one. The secret is my sister is beautiful both on the inside and the outside -- but not alot of people know that. shhhh, that's our little secret.

Anyway, now I've come to see that beauty changes from country to country. My life in Canada where I used to live has always supported my theory that I'm "okay looking". For example, when I'd walk in a room I'd never turn heads. Those who know me say hi, and those who don't know me don't look my way. Here, in contrast --- if I walk down the street people look, if I walk in a store people look, if I walk on campus students look, if I'm at a sit-in restaurant people look, if I'm on the bus people in and out of the bus look, if I'm in a car the other drivers look. No joke, it's insane like something out of a movie.

At first I thought it was my hijab and that people aren't used to it. Then I realized there are tons of hijabis all around which makes it a common sight to see.

The most troubling part of it is to handle the opposite gender and their 'expressions of admiration'. It's really annoying to be frank about it. What I'm more disturbed of, I guess, is the venomous combination of getting attention and feeling 'valued' which is a positive feeling -- mixed with the state of mind I'm in which is looking for Mr. Right and wanting to find marriage in a halal way.

It's very disturbing to balance out the two as one tries to sift out a decent brother from the masses who are simply annoying and indecent. What if in my frustration I tell off a brother who has good intentions?

The second challenging thing is the test that I feel Allah (swt) is putting me through. I've lived it most my life not feeling like Angelina Jolie walked in when I walk in, you know, and now I'm getting the royal treatment like I'm some model which I totally don't believe I am -- but I get treated that way nonetheless.

I think Allah (swt) is testing my modesty, something I've always liked about myself. By modesty I mean having the ability to stay grounded even when acquiring lots of skills in life that distinguish us from others. By modesty I mean still being able to connect with all sorts of people from all walks of life, no matter how experienced one becomes. I don't want money or profession or skills or whatever to take me away from bonding with people.

I value this quality not only in me but in people around me as well, so it would truly hurt in deep wounding ways to jeopardize this jewel of a quality. What a hard test, may Allah (swt) help me succeed inshAllah. Make du'a for me please. I really need it.

It's not easy rejecting better treatment, for whatever reason. I find myself gazing downwards when I walk down the street. Funny, I used to poke fun at the brothers in Canada who when they see a sister they look downwards almost hitting the pole ahead of them. SubhanAllah.

I also find myself being more "smile-less" especially when having to talk to men. I love smiling, I've always loved it, and now, I fear it because I don't want the guy who's already smiling with shine and glory two sentences into talking to me, to think that I'm reciprocating. In some ways, it's very bizarre to find survival mechanisms for this new challenge I'm facing.

Any tips? .... by the way, the picture with this post is of Tripoli's beaches, about two hours away from Beirut. Now that, my friends, is beauty. Unchallenged. Undisputed. SubhanAllah.

My New Blog from Beirut

I'm lucky enough to get a decent amount of interent connection to be able to blog. I started a beirut-canada blog just a few days into my stay here. I promise to try my hardest to maintain it, and I hope you enjoy it all as much as I enjoy recording it to you. Yeah, I'm Youtubing!

What you'll get in this blog is everything that comes to mind -- I'm not selecting my entries, I'm not choosing things and leaving out others. I want to put a human face to it all, through the lens of my mind, eyes and imagination, with all its limitations and curiousity. Do forgive my shortcomings but don't forget to enjoy it all! :)

The blog address is:

www.canada2beirut.blogspot.com

Much salams,
Quest